[Saku]

[Saku]

alot reason's why being a guy is great
I put this list up with a bit of trepidation that I will receive a torrent of angry emails from females that find this insulting. I may not be giving people enough credit to take humor as it is intended: to poke fun at ourselves. These are all just in good fun and are not meant to offend anyone. With that said, see if you can think of some new ones.
1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president.
6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rats hindquarters whether or not someone notices your new haircut.
9. The world is your urinal.
10. You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too icky."
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100.
14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. You know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
25. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
26. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
28. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
29. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
30. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
31. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
32. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
33. You almost never have strap problems in public.
34. You don't mind wrinkles in your clothes.
35. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
37. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
38. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
39. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
40. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes.
41. You can pack for a trip in less than a half hour.
42. Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed.
43. Facial hair is a good thing.
44. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
45. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
46. You can write your name in the snow.
47. You can take your shirt off on a hot day.
48. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
49. Gray hair adds character.
50. With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory.
51. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
52. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
53. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
54. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
55. You don't care if the toilet seat is left up.
56. One acronym that doesn't pertain - PMS.
57. You don't have to wear makeup.
58. You can think about girls all the time and it's alright.
59. You can lean down to pick something up without having to worry about your shirt hanging open.
60. You don't get pregnant.
61. You don't take hours and hours to get ready.
62. You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive.
63. You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken.
64. Homer Simpson makes perfect sense.
65. You don't have to worry about breaking a nail.
66. Complaints about something being to heavy are kept to yourself.
67. Your eyes can remain open when you step on the scale.
68. You can take pride in breaking wind.
69. A shower only takes a few minutes and the drain doesn't get clogged with hair.
70. No stretch marks.
71. Beauty and the Beast (average guys can get hot girls).
72. You don't go around asking your buddies whether the pants you're wearing make your butt look big.
73. You get praise for doing things around the house once in a while.
74. A hair cut costs less than $20
75. Three shirts and two pairs of pants are enough clothes for a month.
76. Takes us 20 minutes to get ready, takes her.... 1 1/2 hours




CU

alot reason's why being a guy is great
I put this list up with a bit of trepidation that I will receive a torrent of angry emails from females that find this insulting. I may not be giving people enough credit to take humor as it is intended: to poke fun at ourselves. These are all just in good fun and are not meant to offend anyone. With that said, see if you can think of some new ones.
1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president.
6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rats hindquarters whether or not someone notices your new haircut.
9. The world is your urinal.
10. You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too icky."
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100.
14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. You know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
25. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
26. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
28. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
29. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
30. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
31. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
32. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
33. You almost never have strap problems in public.
34. You don't mind wrinkles in your clothes.
35. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
37. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
38. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
39. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
40. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes.
41. You can pack for a trip in less than a half hour.
42. Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed.
43. Facial hair is a good thing.
44. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
45. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
46. You can write your name in the snow.
47. You can take your shirt off on a hot day.
48. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
49. Gray hair adds character.
50. With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory.
51. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
52. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
53. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
54. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
55. You don't care if the toilet seat is left up.
56. One acronym that doesn't pertain - PMS.
57. You don't have to wear makeup.
58. You can think about girls all the time and it's alright.
59. You can lean down to pick something up without having to worry about your shirt hanging open.
60. You don't get pregnant.
61. You don't take hours and hours to get ready.
62. You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive.
63. You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken.
64. Homer Simpson makes perfect sense.
65. You don't have to worry about breaking a nail.
66. Complaints about something being to heavy are kept to yourself.
67. Your eyes can remain open when you step on the scale.
68. You can take pride in breaking wind.
69. A shower only takes a few minutes and the drain doesn't get clogged with hair.
70. No stretch marks.
71. Beauty and the Beast (average guys can get hot girls).
72. You don't go around asking your buddies whether the pants you're wearing make your butt look big.
73. You get praise for doing things around the house once in a while.
74. A hair cut costs less than $20
75. Three shirts and two pairs of pants are enough clothes for a month.
76. Takes us 20 minutes to get ready, takes her.... 1 1/2 hours




CU

[kinia]

[kinia]

What common words, phrases and sounds actually mean, when a woman says
them...

Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we
are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
it's an even trade.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a
woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

Soft Sighs: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that you can actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me
get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to so and so about what you were doing last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you
for at least 2 days.

Oh (as the lead to a sentence): Usually signifies that you are caught in a
lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring
ourselves to write about them.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has
plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you
the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.

Thanks a lot: This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say,
"Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you
have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh".
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only
tell you "Nothing".

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

[Flo]

hey... good , very good smileys!

hey... good , very good smileys!

[kinia]

Flo... before


p.s. Flo i've also got a pic 'after'

[Flo]

hahaha very funny...

hahaha very funny...

[buster]

Wir sind in der Traeuer, und bis zum Papstbegraebnis wird das Thema gesprert.

Danke fur Verstandnis.

GB: Mourning. no Joke.

[Cooly]

Das Thema ist nicht mehr blokiert - weil Polnish sprachige "funny stuff" war auch nicht blokiert.


Regards,

[kinia]

Have you ever asked what men are really thinking when they say the things
they do? Well now is your opportunity to answer that very question...

"I'm going fishing."
Really means...
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with
a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car."
Really means...
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."

"Woman driver."
Really means...
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has
a better driving record than me."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means...
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray,
mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no
chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means...
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling

"Good idea."
Really means...
"It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?"
Really means...
"I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means...
"She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means...
"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"I got a lot done."
Really means...
"I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."

"We're going to be late."
Really means...
"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics."
Really means...
"I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means...
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...
"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means...
"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."
Really means...
"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."
Really means...
"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?"
Really means...
"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is
no more peanut butter."

"Go ask your mother."
Really means...
"I am incapable of making a decision."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I
ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means...
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Football is a man's game."
Really means...
"Women are generally too smart to play it."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit
I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means...
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means...
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means...
"What did you catch me at?"

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?"
Really means...
"You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

"She's one of those rabid feminists."
Really means...
"She refused to make my coffee."

"But I hate to go shopping."
Really means...
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
Really means...
"You may actually get it to start."

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."
Really means...
"I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest
pounding, mouth breathing, with pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you."
Really means...
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately
that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days
yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means...
"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
Really means...
"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present."
Really means...
"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I missed you."
Really means...
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet
paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...
"No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means...
"I make the messes, she cleans them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...
"I like you more than my truck."

"I recycle."
Really means...
"We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."
Really means...
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

"It sure snowed last night."
Really means...
"I suppose you're going to nag me about shovelling the walk now."

"It's good beer."
Really means...
"It was on sale."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means...
"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

"I broke up with her."
Really means...
"She dumped me."

"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means...
"Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

[Saku]

Great stuff Kinia!

Many things are so damn real!

But i thought "i'm going fishing" means other things


CU

Great stuff Kinia!

Many things are so damn real!

But i thought "i'm going fishing" means other things


CU

[kinia]

'to fish, or not to fish'
that is a question


Are you a prostitute or a consultant?

You work very odd hours.

You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.

You are not proud of what you do.

Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

It's difficult to have a family.

You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.

You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is
foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like
hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away
smiling.

The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it
actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this
stuff the rest of my life."

[Saku]

Well i have just seen a thread at PT...

another 70 things you dont want to hear from a girl

Cytat:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. I'm sorry. 4. Never mind, why bother. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don't we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It's more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so big. 14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger. 15. It's OK, we'll work around it. 16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 19. Oh no, a flash headache. 20. (giggle and point) 21. Can I be honest with you? 22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 23. Let me go get my tweezers. 24. How sweet, you brought incense. 25. This explains your car. 26. You must be a growing boy. 27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 29. Are you one of those pygmies? 30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 31. Ever hear of Clearasil? 32. All right, a treasure hunt! 33. I didn't know they came that small. 34. Why is God punishing you? 35. At least this won't take long. 36. Let's just stick with your hand. 37. Do you need a splint to prop that up. 38. How interesting. 39. I never saw one like that before. 40. What do you call this? 41. But it still works right? 42. Damn I hate baby-sitting. 43. It looks so unused. 44. Do you take steroids? 45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick. 46. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere. 48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 49. Let me know when you're done. 50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 52. Aww, it's hiding. 53. Are you cold? 54. If you get me real drunk first. 55. Is that an optical illusion? 56. What is that? 57. Does this run in your family? 58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry. 59. Were you neutered? 60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 61. Does it come with an air pump? 62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 63. Where are the puppet strings? 64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once. 65. Deep throat??? 66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 67. Can you get this pencil out of me now? 68. Do I hang my hat on it? 69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes! 70. Don't hold back.

CU

Well i have just seen a thread at PT...

another 70 things you dont want to hear from a girl

Cytat:

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. I'm sorry. 4. Never mind, why bother. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don't we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It's more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so big. 14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger. 15. It's OK, we'll work around it. 16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 19. Oh no, a flash headache. 20. (giggle and point) 21. Can I be honest with you? 22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 23. Let me go get my tweezers. 24. How sweet, you brought incense. 25. This explains your car. 26. You must be a growing boy. 27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 29. Are you one of those pygmies? 30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 31. Ever hear of Clearasil? 32. All right, a treasure hunt! 33. I didn't know they came that small. 34. Why is God punishing you? 35. At least this won't take long. 36. Let's just stick with your hand. 37. Do you need a splint to prop that up. 38. How interesting. 39. I never saw one like that before. 40. What do you call this? 41. But it still works right? 42. Damn I hate baby-sitting. 43. It looks so unused. 44. Do you take steroids? 45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick. 46. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere. 48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 49. Let me know when you're done. 50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 52. Aww, it's hiding. 53. Are you cold? 54. If you get me real drunk first. 55. Is that an optical illusion? 56. What is that? 57. Does this run in your family? 58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry. 59. Were you neutered? 60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 61. Does it come with an air pump? 62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 63. Where are the puppet strings? 64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once. 65. Deep throat??? 66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 67. Can you get this pencil out of me now? 68. Do I hang my hat on it? 69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes! 70. Don't hold back.

CU

[kinia]

[Saku]

Yes, it is... And there is no relation to the size of the car... though i should drive a Nissan Micra...

Yes, it is... And there is no relation to the size of the car... though i should drive a Nissan Micra...